Leah's Dress

I spent so much time looking for a sweet little blessing dress for leah that one night I went to bed and when I closed my eyes I could still see white dresses.  I finally found it on etsy - a little dress from the 80's, white pintuck, never worn - so very sweet.  I ordered it and then Rhonda came into play - she saw this one that Leah is wearing, ivory silk with those sweet little rosettes and she was sunk and now Leah has two blessing dresses.  Hopefully one day I'll get another little girl to wear the other one:)  The pictures below were taken at about 5 months. The first two pictures were taken by me and the rest were courtesy of the talented (and usually shirtless) Grady.

Peace

 I wrote this post a while ago but still thought I would post it.  Pictures were from when we went to cascade springs with jo and her family in August.

General Conference is in a few weeks and I can't wait.   I've been thinking a lot lately about how peaceful and how happy I feel and wondering, "why?".  And I don't really know why life can feel so peaceful and so happy even amidst the crazy-ness of living in the world today - but I know it has to do with having the Spirit in my life and in my home and I'm so thankful for it.  There is a quote that I found on LDS.org that I love.  It says;    "Many people think of peace as the absence of war. But we can feel peace even in times of war, and we can lack peace even when no war is raging. The mere absence of conflict is not enough to bring peace to our hearts. Peace comes through the gospel—through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, the ministration of the Holy Ghost, and our own righteousness, sincererepentance, and diligent service"    Isn't that so beautiful?  I love it. 

Lucky

One day a few weekends ago it was all stormy and cloudy - until about three in the afternoon and then the clouds cleared and the most amazingly beautiful rainbow filled the sky and Clara was spellbound.  She sat outside and colored the sweetest picture of our home with this beautiful rainbow stretched over it.

Several weeks ago I was walking her and a friend to school one morning.  The morning sun was shining on their brown hair, both with floppy ribbons bouncing up and down as the pushed themselves along on their scooters.  Their skinny little legs still looked tan from summer and their back packs bounced up and down with the weight of their lunch boxes.  Watching them scoot along, laughing with each other and talking about their upcoming day - I was so overwhelmed with gratitude for my children's lucky lives.  Their bags were filled with healthy lunches, they had an awesome school they got to go to for free - they live somewhere where they are safe and cared for - they have every need and most of their wants filled, most even before they think of them.  I am so grateful.

A few nights ago Grady wasn't feeling very good when I put him to bed.  Normally when I put Clara and Gray to bed they think of all sorts of things that they love me more than - already wrote about that - but that night Gray just kind of felt sick and couldn't think very good so after saying, "I love you more than...." and stammering around for a minute, he said in a very sleepy little voice, "I just love ya more than ya think Mom."   Holy cow - I just love you more than you think baby.  Way way way way more.  

Grahamaloo

This whole "I don't get to be the baby anymore" thing has not been very easy on Graham.  He went from being happy go lucky, mellow fellow into grumpy.  always grumpy.  Graham and me are pretty tight.  We just kind of need each other.  He would have been a perfect "last baby".  But he's not a last baby and he only got to be the baby for 17 months.  For his little personality, that was rough!  One day when Leah was about 8 weeks old my mom came down to watch the kids so I could go to an herbs class.  I came running out of the bedroom in a hurry to leave and plowed right into Graham.  Smack went his little head right on the wood floor.  Oh how he cried and oh how bad I felt.  Fast forward to that afternoon.  I had gotten home and my mom had left.  I was out on the patio nursing Leah while the boys played.  Graham came over to me and climbed up in the chair with me - I realized that he had poopy pants and not too much of it was being contained by his diaper - it was all over!  I hurried to stand up and get him off of Leah (who he had climbed on top of, who I was still nursing mind you) and in the process made the chair become unbalanced and tip over.  Somehow, Grahams little hand got caught under the chair and when it hit the patio two of his little fingernails got ripped right off.  off.  seriously.  It was heart breaking.  I quickly laid down Leah - who immediately began screaming, so I could pick up Graham- who was screaming - and there was blood and poop everywhere.  I ran inside in a crazy frenzy not sure which liquid to clean up first!  Clara was a rock star - she took care of Leah all afternoon while I rocked and rocked my sad baby boy.  That night as I put him to bed I lay down with him in the recliner in the nursery and cried and cried and cried.  I missed my baby so much!  I felt like i'd had to let go of him and I hardly even ever got to hold him anymore - and now I had been the cause of even more pain and hurt and I just missed him so much I could hardly stand it.  I know our Leah came to us when she was supposed to - but having a newborn with a 1 year old is not always easy.  I just missed him so much.  I held him for a few hours that night.  Until my other baby woke up and needed me.  And then I cried some more that Graham couldn't have all of me anymore.  He's doing a lot better. And some days I see happy go lucky Graham again.  I know now it probably has more to do with his age that with his birth-place.  He's almost two for heaven's sakes and being two is kinda rough sometimes.  He is a sweet boy though - he is actually pretty dang hilarious and I love him so much it hurts. 

 This day I thought he was being so sweet with the little chicks - carrying them all around so careful - until.... he held one a little too tight and he dropped a little dead bird at my feet.  No kidding.  I about cried and then slowly it's little head rolled around and it's eyes opened up.  Not dead - just squeezed a little too tight - whew!!!

 He found a whole lovely pack of Clara's lipgloss one day.  It was super cool.  That same day my awesome rainbow vac cleaned up all this lipgloss, pee, and an entire bag of purple frosting that had been mushed into the stairs.  not a bad days work.

 One day Graham was looking out the window and pointing out all of the things he saw to Clara.  Car!  yep - there's a car she'd say, Bird!  yep - a bird too.  Tree!  uh-huh.  She looked over at me with a look of being completely smitten and said so sincerely, "Can we keep him forever? I just love him so much!"   Melted  - I was completely melted.  Yes!  Yes we can keep him forever!  Because you have an older Brother that loved you so much He gave his life for you - you get to have that darling baby brother be with you forever. No matter what.   Being a parent has made me a hundred times more grateful for the gospel.  I'm so thankful for these truths I can teach to my children every day.  We are so lucky.

 Graham has the best thighs I think I've ever seen.  He goes pant-less a lot.  With those legs though - I can't see who would blame him.  

 He just needed a teaspoon of onion.  It's pretty obvious Graham loves food.  He could eat ALL DAY. No joke.  It makes me a little worried sometimes.  But also he just really loves being in the kitchen with me.  He already empty's the silverware from the dishwasher, helps put away the tupperware, and can help himself to just about anything he wants from the fridge, pantry or dishwasher with a good hard yank and the help of a chair.  Yesterday he got himself down a peach and a butcher knife out of the drawer.  He then dropped the knife on his toe and cried for a half an hour.  What am I gonna do with him.....my other two were almost three before they realized they had the power to open up the fridge themselves.  I love this goof ball - but let's hope I can do a little better job of keeping him safe!

Late Spring

It's September.  I gotta get a jump on this.

 The view from my parents driveway - I think this will probably always be one of my favorite things to look at.  Gosh i wish I'd had a razor scooter when I was a kid - this is the perfect driveway for them!

 Clara decided this spring that she really likes wearing glasses.  No prescription - just thinks they're cute and wears them a bunch.

 These two cute ducks took up residence in our trampoline hole/pond this spring.  They were pretty charming.

 Grady tried out playing in the dirt for an hour every week baseball this spring.  He was about the cutest kid in baseball pants and a hat I think I've ever seen.

 Then He went ahead and graduated from Pre-school.  He loved Miss Traci!  It was about this time he started talking about going to Kindergarten.  Nope - sorry bud, you've got one more year of pre-school. But he kept talking about it and asking about it. Then one night Brandon told me that he and Grady had even prayed about whether or not he should start school this year and they felt really good about it.  What?!! Do I get a say in this?  Grady has an August birthday and we had always just kind of planned on holding him back - but the more we thought about it the more we thought maybe we should send him and crazy enough - a spot opened up in the spanish immersion program the first of june.  So he went.  It took me about a month before I could think about it without getting teary eyed, but I really think we made a good choice.  he was ready.  I wasn't - kind of how most things feel lately.  It's just a whole year of his life I feel like I've lost!  One year earlier he will graduate - one year earlier he could leave on a mission.  man.  Being a mom is hard sometimes.

 Clara's last day as an Eagle Bay Kindergartner!  Like usual, she's running out the door with her "cimanon" toast, trying to catch up to the "scooter gang".

 "the Scooter Gang" aka the willoughby's and the johns rushing with a whole bunch of little kids trying to get to school on time. Me and B worked super hard on our yard this spring...always so much to do!  The other night amidst the chaos of getting dinner ready, brandon said to me "we're always busy.  always.  even when we don't have anywhere to go or anything in particular to do - we're just always busy."  Yep.  But our yard makes us and our kids pretty darn happy, so I think that busyness is definitely worth it.

 We cashed in some of B's Marriot points in june and went up to park city.  We stayed at the Mountainside resort - and it was AWESOME!  They had all these fun things for the kids to do - paint ceramics, decorate sugar cookies, finger painting, and on and on and our kids kept pretty darn busy while we relaxed at the pool a little.  It rocked.  My mom and dad kept Graham for us - he's not the best hotel guest yet.  We rode the alpine coaster and slide - played at the pool - ate good food - it was so fun.

 We went up to Heber one day and went swimming in the crater at the Homestead.  Little Leah even loved it (despite the face below).

 After Park City we went up to Cove to pick up Graham.  The first smores of the season were made.

 Grady and Clara talked Brandon into getting them these aviator glasses while I was preoccupied at the gap outlet.....they do look pretty darn cute in them though.

 We went on a hike with my Mom and Dad up high creek that day.  Such a beautiful summer day!

 Karen bought Grady and Graham these little pilot shirts and Clara quickly took over Grahams for her own.  They call them there "explorer shirts" and have had a lot of fun in them.  So many nights this summer have ended with the kids playing with the tee and bucket of baseballs that we borrowed from the Jeppsens.

 This summer my kids wanted to have a lemonade stand sooo bad.  Thing is - when you make lemonade the way I do - it's not super easy to just set up a stand and sell it for a quarter to whoever walks by!  After saying "probably not today" way too many times, they decided to get creative and had this whole sign almost made before I had even seen it.  Some kids sell lemonade.  Mine sell snakes.  and snake skins and snails and grasshoppers.  Best idea they've ever come up with.  Get all the snakes out of my yard and into someone else's!!!!  Big snakes cost $1.00 and little ones $50.  These are seriously the coolest kids I've ever met.  I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!  They also gave out a piece of bubblegum, free with every purchase. thoughtful.

 And here's how most of those muddy summer days ended....with graham getting bugged in the tub.

bangles and tomatoes

My neighbors 8 yr old daughter is staying with him this weekend.  Right now she is sitting out on the grass, about 10 feet from the room that Leah is trying to sleep in, singing "An Eternal Flame" by the bangles.  Not just singing, but belting it out with every bit of emotion and feeling you can imagine that could ever come from a little girl!  I've gone out twice with the intention of asking her to sing a little softer, but I'm sure she'd be so embarrassed and really - it's about the funniest thing I've ever seen and try as I might I just can't interrupt something so .... passionate!  Sitting here in my living room I can hear just about every word, "I don't want to loose this feeeeeeeling!  Is this burning...."  cute.

This time of year makes me wanna sing too.  For breakfast I had the most amazingly huge sweet and juicy nectarine from Brigham all covered in homemade almond butter and for lunch I just ate about three "ginormous" (as grady would say) beautiful tomatoes from the garden doused in balsamic vinegar with a big handful or basil and a nice dollop of goat cheese on top.  I dipped a piece of crusty bread that had browned garlic butter, fresh herbs and parmesan all over it.  It    was     awesome.  I'm kind of tired of trying to keep up with all of the stuff coming in from the garden - but that is about the luckiest problem I can think of.  And now,  just because, here is a darn cute picture of Graham - he snuck up on the table one morning and made quick work of my breakfast.  My favorite thing lately - plain greek yogurt, honey, peanut butter, coco powder, berries and oats.  YUM!  He thinks so too.

 and a cute fuzzy one of Leah, because really - look at her!

Judider and back

Tonight I was up saying goodnight to Grady and Clara and we were finishing up with how much we loved each other and Clara says, "I love you around the moon, across the stars, to Judider and back, through a star, through Spain and all the way back to Taiwan!" - and then Grady shouts, "but I love you even more than that!"  and Clara shouts back, "Well I do too ya know!"

I feel like I've been to Judider and back this week.

It was a tough one and by Friday night I felt pretty toasted.  Brandon had to work this weekend, but when Joanna called and asked if we wanted to come camping with her family, I thought what the heck and decided to take us up to Cache Valley for the night.  I had a lot of sleepless nights last week - what was one more?  We stayed at a little church campground at the base of the Wellsville mountains and had the whole campground all to ourselves.  I was right - I didn't get any sleep, but we still had fun and when I slipped out with Leah and Graham in the morning to let the other kids sleep a little longer and watched the most stunningly beautiful sunrise over the valley - I knew it was worth it.

We went up to my parents house that day for a little bit and then were planning on going to the aquatic center in logan for Dawsons birthday party.  Thats when Brandon called. He told me that our 9 yr old nephew Aiden had been in a four wheeler accident.  He was up in West Yellowstone with his family and B's parents when he over corrected coming down the dirt road to the cabin and had been thrown onto a barbwire fence and the atv had come down on top of him.  Devon - his four year old brother was on with him, but only his shirt got tangled up in the fence, and he was able to slip out of it and get out from under the four wheeler.  The fence was under his neck and the handle bars were on top of his head pinning him down.    Carson and Brendon came up on the accident about a minute later and Carson thought quick enough to know he couldn't help and immediately jetted up to the cabin to get his Dad and Grandpa.  By the time Aaron and Byron got to him and pulled the four wheeler off of him, he wasn't breathing and had no pulse.  Aaron did CPR and was able to revive him and he was life flighted to the hospital in Idaho Falls.

Brandon came and picked me and Leah up and we headed up to idaho Saturday evening.  The miracle is - Aiden is fine.  Really fine.  He has a whole bunch of stitches, but there are no broken bones, no internal damage - nothing.  He died - and then he came back.  By the time we got to him he was watching cartoons in the hospital wondering when they were gonnna let him finally eat something.   It was truly amazing.  On Sunday Brandon bore his testimony in church about Aidens miracle. About how many small things had to happen to make his rescue possible.  He said how sad we would be, how heartbroken if Aiden hadn't been allowed to come back to his family.  But then he told about an even greater miracle - the miracle of Christs atonement that will make it possible for our children to always be able to come back to us.  Even if we can't always be with them in this life - Christ has made it possible for us to have eternal life - and to have it with the ones we love most.  We are so grateful that Aiden is safe - that his job down here isn't done.  But we're also incomprehensibly grateful that when our jobs are done - or our childrens are done, that we know we can have each other again - forever.

It was a pretty emotionally draining week.  By the time we got back to my parents house Sunday night to get our kids we couldn't get ourselves to make Leah cry in the car for one more minute and decided to spend the night.  Monday morning after we were all packed up and I was in the basement bathroom getting ready, water started pouring out of the shower drain - and then sewage started coming out of the furnace room drain and it was a big gross mess!  We helped as much as we could before we left, but my poor parents!  I was so grateful to sleep 8 hours in my own bed last night!