Grady's Prayer and Clara's good night....and some ramblings

Tonight as I was putting the kids to bed Grady said his prayers first; "Thank you for this day. Thank you for this whole town except the garbage.  Thank you for my extended family and my eternal family.  Thank you what my baby brothers sick is all gone.  Thank you for God and Jesus and Moses and my baby sister."  He got the extended family and eternal family part from Clara.  She kept praying for her eternal family and her real family.  When I asked her what she meant, she said, "You know, you guys and like my ancestors and stuff." and stuff huh... Clara was busy fidgeting around during his prayer and when I looked over at her I saw she had tied her robe belt around her head and over her eyes.  I cuddled up by her for a minute and asked her what it was for and she told me she thought it would probably help her in case she couldn't fall asleep good.  When I leave their bedroom at night Clara stops me about a hundred times asking for one more kiss.  Never in my whole life do I feel as grumpy about giving one more kiss as I do in that moment.  But then she tells me that something in her brain just tells her that she needs me and that she gets so sad when I'm gone and I try to bite my tongue from spouting out a "not another word, now go to bed!"  like I want to and trudge over and hug my baby and give her one more kiss (which usually means one more hug and kiss for Gray too - unless he's already asleep).  She is a good girl that Clara.  After everything that happened in the country today, I was so much more than just grateful to be able to give her one more kiss before she fell asleep.

Some more pictures that make me thankful;

Being a mom to me is such an odd combination of moments.  Moments when I think that my sensory input valve is going to burst.  So many touches and questions and needs and wants and thoughts and requests and ideas all being thrown at me all day long and sometimes I just feel like If anybody else touches me or asks me one more question my brain might literally explode!  Moments when I feel way overworked and unappreciated - even completely unnoticed.  When my job doesn't ever quite and I just feel tired and selfish and want to pretend nobody else needs me and go hide somewhere dark and quiet. But all of those moments are matched with moments when I am so overwhelmed with how much I love - really really really love being a mother.  When I just want my kids to cuddle by me forever and tell me about their days and I want to feel their soft cheeks and play with their little fingers and breath in their smell and never ever have them leave me.  Moments when I feel so inadequate for the blessing of how completely happy and whole they make my life feel.  When I can look out my kitchen window and see them playing, or listen to them laughing or singing or watch them as they learn or see something new.  Mundane moments when we are driving down the street and I can look into my mirror and see their little faces watching out the windows, quiet in thought.  Moments when I am in awe that these three little beings who grew inside of me are now these wonderful people who I love more than my own life and who are three of my four closest friends.  Moments when I feel so happy and so loved and grateful I can hardly believe my luck. When I can hardly believe my blessing.  Whew .... that was a little heavy for tonight, but something that has been on my mind a lot lately.  I'm a lucky lady - and good grief look at that guy in those pictures above, that's more than just luck I'd say.